Hanging By a Thread
by AmyRoth
Summary: For seventeen years Naruto has tolerated hatred from his village but no matter how hard he tries to put the broken pieces together in his life, they still have visible cracks. WARNING: rape, cutting, suicide, depression.
1. Living in the Shadows

His mask was falling, he felt it. For so long he had tried and failed to fix the shattered pieces from his big glass picture that was his life. For so long he had somehow managed to fit them back together, only to see in the end he could still see the cracks, and eventually someone or something would come along and shatter his already battered glass picture. When he was young he desperately hung onto the hope that someday, someone would notice him and save him from the beatings and the taunting. But as he grew older, that hope slowly faded, only to be replaced by a mask Naruto had learned to build. Everyone thought they knew Naruto, the loud, obnoxious, loyal, kind, number-one knuckle headed ninja of Konoha. But in reality, they were sadly mistaken.

Naruto was instead actually very secluded and quiet. He had absolutely no self-esteem and had no desire to gain any either. He accepted what others in the village perceived him as; a demon, monster, fool, loser, dobe, idiot, weak, and the list truly went on. By age twelve Naruto had finally found a way to keep him sane, cutting. Some people may ask, is it truly that simple? How could that possibly be a solution? However, it was the very thing that kept Naruto's mask on. It kept him smiling when walking through the village, it kept him begging for a date with Sakura, and continuously challenging Sasuke to fights. He kept his scars hidden as well, he always wore long sleeve shirts and always made sure not to cut too deep.

Naruto sat slumped against his apartment wall, watching the blood ooze out of his fresh cuts on his forearm. He smirked, all the pain he felt was soon gone. _If only this feeling could last forever_…he thought to himself as he continued to sit, slumped against the wall, drowning in his own depressive state.

"_Demon! Get out of here! How dare you show your face in my shop!" _

"_Monster! You should do us a favor and go die!"_

"_What a loser! I hope he knows he'll never amount to anything!"_

These memories raced through his head as he sat there, staring at his bleeding arm. He closed his eyes and remembered the beatings he got when he was young. He was pretty safe from them now, but sometimes he would still get jumped a few times a month and walk into a vandalized apartment once or twice a week. He knew Tsunade would do something to help him, but now, in this day and age, Naruto had accepted this treatment, to him anything otherwise wasn't normal and wasn't something he was worthy of.

Suddenly there was a knock at his door. "Naruto? Are you in there?" a voice asked behind his door.

"Shit!" Naruto hissed as he dashed to the bathroom, "Hold on just a minute!" he yelled as he quickly ran water over his cut, cleaning it off for the most part as he pulled his shirt down as he ran to the answer the door. _Come on Naruto, happy face remember? Be happy!_ he thought as he opened the door. It was Kakashi.

"Hey, Kakashi! What brings you here?" Naruto asked with a fake smile upon his face.

Kakashi studied him for a moment before answering, in truth Kakashi had noticed Naruto's strange behaviors for years now, but decided if it was severe enough he would speak to him about it on his own time. "Just checking on you, I haven't seen you in a while so…"

Naruto forced out a small chuckle, "Well thanks for stopping by Kakashi…Maybe we could get together sometime, huh?"

Kakashi looked Naruto up and down suspiciously, he noticed his face looked paler than usual and he seemed a lot smaller than he did last time he saw Naruto. "Yes, we should…well I'll see you around!"

"Yea…see you…" Naruto said softly as Kakashi turned around to leave the apartment complex.

_Something just isn't right_ Kakashi thought as he left Naruto to himself again. He would have to get someone else to talk to him, maybe even Tsunade.

Meanwhile Naruto had made his way to his bedroom, finally allowing himself to fall into his mattress. He felt so light headed and dizzy. He finally drifted off into a slumber.

"_Look there he is!"_

"_The nine-tailed demon?"_

"_Yea! Let's get him!"_

_A ten year old Naruto turned around to see three drunken figures pursing him, suddenly one of them pushed him down onto the ground in the ally. _

"_This will teach ya !" one of the men shouted, hitting poor Naruto over the head with his now empty beer bottle. _

"_P-please s-stop!" the ten year old Naruto pleaded, tears starting to form in his ocean blue eyes. _

"_You can't fool us demon! Demons don't cry!" the second man shouted, "I think its time I taught him a more serious lesson…" he muttered, "hold him down!" he ordered the two other men. They did as they were told, one holding him by the wrists, one holding him by the ankles. _

_The man stood looming horrifically over the young Naruto, clearly even in his drunken state, he was gaining pleasure watching the child suffer. He then undid his belt, causing Naruto's heart to race. He then allowed his boxers to drop to the ground, he then kneeled down and made the other man who held Naruto's ankles help him take the now sobbing Naruto's pants off. _

"_Please…don't…" Naruto whispered, only gaining a sickening grin from the man who was about to rape him. _

"_You deserve this you little demon!" he screamed as he thrust his member into poor Naruto's opening, causing him to scream. "Hold his mouth someone!" the man screamed as he moaned in sickening pleasure as he thrust in and out of young Naruto. _

Naruto suddenly jolted awake. He woke up in cold sweat, he felt tears forming in his eyes. He felt sick to his stomach. He suddenly arouse out of his bed, walking towards his bathroom once again. When he entered the bathroom he shut the door and locked it, he then turned the shower on as hot as it could. He then stripped down and entered the shower. The heat of the water burned his skin, just the way he liked it. It made him feel clean for once. He then began to scrub with his wash cloth, _I'm so filthy, so dirty and disgusting _he thought to himself and he continued to scrub his burning skin with the wash cloth.

_**Author's Note: Well…I'm not really sure where this came from haha. It was just a spur of the moment type of writing. But please, do review! And I wasn't sure how to write the rape scene so I tried the best I could, it was so sad for me to write. But…thanks for reading! God Bless!** _


	2. His Last Breath

_**hold on to me love**_  
_**you know i can't stay long**_  
_**all i wanted to say was, "I love you and I'm not afraid"**_  
_**can you hear me?**_  
_**can you feel me in your arms?**_

He was tired, so tired of holding his mask together. It was exhausting, day after day, faking a smile, faking a "believe it". He wanted out of this life so terribly bad. So, he decided, tonight was the night.

Throughout the day Naruto went around the village, sparking conversations with people he hadn't in a while. He even stopped by Ichiraku's to have a bowl of ramen. "Why not?" he thought as he approached the small shop. It wasn't like he was in need of saving his money any longer. Naruto even went to visit Jiraiya, who he hadn't made an effort to speak to in quite some time.

_**holding my last breath**_  
_**safe inside myself**_  
_**are all my thoughts of you**_  
_**sweet raptured light it ends here tonight**_

By the time he left from his catch up with Jiraiya, it was finally dark. It was a sign for him it was time for him to leave this world. Naruto finally reached his small apartment. As he entered for what he hoped would be the last time, he began to wonder how to do it. Knife? No, too bloody, he wouldn't want to leave a mess for everyone to clean up. Gun? Still too bloody.

"Should I just hang myself and be done with it?" he muttered to himself as he began to shuffle things around in his apartment. "Wouldn't want to people think this monster was messy…" he stated darkly to himself as he began to search for a rope and chair. When he finally found what he was looking for his heart began to race.

_**i'll miss the winter**_  
_**a world of fragile things**_  
_**look for me in the white forest**_  
_**hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)**_  
_**i know you hear me**_  
_**i can taste it in your tears**_

_**Closing your eyes to disappear,**_  
_**You pray your dreams will leave you here;**_  
_**But still you wake and know the truth,**_  
_**No one is there...**_

"It's happening…it's finally happening…I'm doing it...for real. There's a way out for me…" he whispered to himself as he tied the rope to the ceiling. He then paused, took a deep breath and positioned the chair under the hanging rope. He then stepped up onto the chair, rope in hand. He began to tie the rope around his neck, his heart began to pound. "Almost…" he whispered.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Naruto?" the voice asked.

Naruto's pained blue eyes began to widen as he registered whose voice it was. It was Kakashi.

"Naruto, open up. I need to go over our training and mission schedule for next week!" Kakashi exclaimed. "Something isn't right." he thought to himself as he proceeded to knock.

Naruto shut his eyes, ignoring his Sensei's voice. "Goodbye…" he gulped kicking the chair swiftly, it was then knocked down to the floor. Darkness suddenly began to engulf Naruto.

_**Say goodnight,**_  
_**Don't be afraid,**_  
_**Calling me, Calling me as you fade to black.**_

_**(Say goodnight) Holding my last breath**_  
_**(Don't be afraid) Safe inside myself**_  
_**(Calling me, calling me) Are all my thoughts of you?**_  
_**Sweet raptured life, it ends here tonight**_

Kakashi, hearing the crash, immediately reacting he kicked the door down. "Naruto?" he exclaimed as he entered the apartment. He looked around, it felt strangely neat and…empty. Suddenly his eyes turned to the center of the room. He felt sick to his stomach when he noticed who it was. "Naruto!" he shouted, dashing to Naruto's now hanging, limp body. He united the rope quickly, starting to search for vital signs. He felt a faint heart me. "Tsunade!" he gasped, dashing out of his house.

When Kakashi finally reached Lady Tsunade's office there were no words necessary, no questions were asked. There was only one goal, save Naruto. As Tsunade began to tend to Naruto, Kakashi stepped out of her office to sent his dogs to deliver the message that Naruto was seriously injured to the rest of team seven and Jiraiya.

Lady Tsunade finally emerged from her office. Wiping the seat from her brow, "He's lucky the little bastard…he made it…only just though…what happened Kakashi?"

Kakashi paused for a brief moment, not quite sure how to answer. He finally answered quietly, "He hung himself…"

Tsunade, in shock, slid down to the floor. Not sure what to make of this reality. How could he? Why would he?

Kakashi then joined her, silently acknowledging her, seeming to have the same questions as she did.

**_sweet raptured light it ends here tonight_**


End file.
